Children are not always given a choice about which parent they want to live with. In most cases, parents and courts decide who should be the custodial parent.
This is especially true for very young children who cannot make decisions on their own. But what if your child grows up and decides they want to live with their other parent?
Such a situation can be shocking, hurtful and frustrating. However, it is important to keep your best interests at heart. Here are some tips on how to handle it.
Avoid taking it personally
Children can have many reasons for wanting to live with their non-primary parents. They might want a change in location, easier access to extracurriculars, or to simply spend more time with their mother or father.
Even when the reason is against you, try not to take it personally. Instead, communicate with your child and listen to their concerns.
Decide on the next best course of action
Sometimes, a child wanting to live with another parent is a form of acting out. This can be due to frustration, anger or trauma, but moving out of the house may not be the best solution. Resolving the root issue may make them change their minds.
In other cases, living with the other parent may be a practical move. For example, your child may want to be closer to opportunities, such as schools and extracurricular activities. Or perhaps your child wants a closer bond with the other parent, which is very common among children of divorced parents.
If you feel that letting them go is the best decision, speak with your co-parent. You can agree to do a test run and let your child live with them for a few weeks or months.
Modify the agreement
Before you let your child live with their other parent, put the temporary change in writing, including:
- Full names and contact details of both parents
- Specific start and end dates for the temporary arrangement
- Pickup and drop-off arrangements, transportation plans and other logistical matters
A family law attorney can help you add a temporary modification to your custody agreement. When you, your co-parent and your child agree that a permanent change is best for your child’s well-being, a lawyer can help you update your current agreement.
Remember that it is not about you. Children will eventually make decisions on their own, and you can help them ensure they make the right ones.
